what have you struggled with during isolation?
i have struggled, and i want to claim that fully. i want us all to claim that.
i’ve been working through deeply conditioned processes that demand my being in the ‘doing’ at all times; that the illusion of competition, urgency and separation are indeed real.
with my mind oscillating constantly between chaos and harmony, denial and acceptance, frustration and peace, surrendering to my body and spirit’s wish for rest has been surprisingly difficult.
the very tangible separation from people - one that can never wholly be replaced by the technological realm - has also been interesting to sit with. connection in the fleessshhh is profound. it endows me with energy, inspiration and a fullness in my heart.
i have also felt a profound wound at the very core of my being deriving from the severed tie between the wild nature and i. a wound dug ever deeper as the spiral of self-victimisation sucks me into the void in which the world’s suffering is, in fact, my own. this taints my reality, feeds the static that incapacitates the connection between my mind, body and soul.
a conflict of emotions, confusion, a lack of trust in the process. it deceives me into believing that my happiness is dependent upon external factors, often ones out of my reach; that i need to ‘fix’ the people and places around me; that i should feel guilty if i don’t; that i am not my own home; that i don’t deserve happiness, praise or love; that i’m not where i’m ‘supposed’ to be, doing what i am ‘supposed’ to be doing, growing as i am ‘supposed’ to be growing.
these elements of my shadow realm have strongly revealed themselves to me. and how challenging it has been to accept them. how empowering also…
how have you dealt with these struggles?
oooof! it’s been a journey, to say the least.
i’ve cultivated a practice of ‘beingness’ in which the simplicity of moments, of activity, of routine is full and enough; in which i am blessed and have so much to be grateful for.
i have also found great solace in my creative practice, in addition to the development of a variety of projects with beautiful people.
i will not contribute to the darkness of these times! i will contribute my light that i deserve to have access to and embody!
whilst the yearning for mumma nature and uninhibited adventure has remained a powerful force, i have worked on utilising this energy in my creative practice. just as the life/death/life cycle dominates nature (and is embedded in my isolation creation piece), i allowed it to flow through me. not to sound toooooo dramatic, but i have allowed myself to die and be reborn countless times to give space to my processes of shedding layers, of growth.
i've learnt to embody the stillness of this time, rather than merely acknowledging it.
i have learnt that i cannot ‘play god’ and ‘fix’ the shadows of those i love around me.
i have learnt that my boundaries are valid and important.
i have learnt that i can cultivate discipline within all aspects of my life, starting with my health… & finally starting to heal my gut.
by fostering a stronger relationship with meditation, my breath, self-love practice, the embodiment of the emotions that arise within me, as well as a deeper connection with and appreciation for my shadows, i’ve allowed my self and spirit to remain in a different kind of ‘flow’ than i’m accustomed to. i’ve allowed myself to be and act from unconditional loving awareness, first filling myself, then others.
i am proud of myself <3
i’ve reflected and acted upon the points of my suffering, and genuinely feel I have realised and actualised within me many lessons that have enriched me emotionally and spiritually!!
no, it hasn’t been easy.
but that’s okay.
and it’s okay that it also hasn’t been okay.
what have you found in your 5km?
well, we all know the internal realm is unlimited... and lord knows i've been adventuring in there a lot, though in my outer world, the pinnacle of the 5km radius has been my favourite tree in the park closest to me: fawkner park. this tree could be hundreds of years old! she’s so incredibly grand, old and wise, embodied in wonderful shapes that constantly take various forms within my imagination.
as i sit high up, supported by her powerful limbs wrapped in gloriously textured skin, i perceive her some days as a huge long-necked dinosaur with large, strong legs fluidly melting into giant feet rooted into the ground. other times, she is as she is: a magical mother tree...
... and finally,
here's my isolation creation.
'within and without', white pen/pencil/posca/silver gel pen & fine liner on black paper, 59.4 x 84.1cm
this piece has been my companion for the entirety of stage 4, and an unintentional encapsulation of my journey with isolation... hence my piece for comfortable discomfort.
these organic shapes and forms, are fused together by the thread of the very fabric of nature... the life/death/rebirth cycle - as indicated by the imagery of the baby, skull and female reproductive organs (did ya find them?).
i perceive these themes to be overtly representative of our current global predicament. a humanitarian, ecological, environmental crisis, erupting simultaneously. what a wild time to be aliveeee!
it seems there must be disruption, death, destruction, in order for transformation to occur - a rite of passage of sorts. this binary sequence is inherent, not only in our western cosmology, but in our very world, even universe.
i feel the colour palette, restricted to black and white, seems a fitting layer to the symbolism of this piece for me!
anyway, that's it from me.
thank you so much for being here!
stay safe, but also silly...ッ