what have you struggled with during isolation?
there has been so much. its bizarre.. that you can just be sitting in your apartment with nothing to do and nowhere to go and yet be so utterly overwhelmed by just existing there. i live by myself (+ cat) and i work from home already.. my area is beautiful, i don't generally go 'out' for much besides live music/comedy and i dunno.. unify. i have everything i need in a general sense and made absolute sure that i was stocked up on art supplies when this whole thing started so considering how amazing my position is i am eternally grateful for what i have.
but needless to say life still happens.
when i am depressed i become catatonic which.. has been doable in the current climate (ha?) but i have also experienced everything from crying spells over breakfast to blind rage, crippling anxiety and insomnia during this time. mostly though, i am a very affectionate person. to be deprived of physical touch is the most excruciating aspect to me.. i am learning to hold myself. its hard. ergo intimacy is a big theme here. i told the group i wanted to make work that was brutally honest so, lets get intimate.
ive been through multiple relationship breakdowns and unexpected.. challenges. i have felt so much of this year being witnessed by my eyes and heart only and the isolation exacerbates that tenfold. many days i have felt like the only person alive (am i alive?) many others i have felt the immeasurable grief of the collective weighing on my chest like an anvil. i dont always know what to do with that. i have celebrated alone, mourned alone, healed and danced and laughed and cried all on my own. its been very beautiful. in a curious way i feel more connected to the world than ever, as i see it inside of me much clearer now. jim carrey says "i am not a guy experiencing the universe, but the universe experiencing a guy" and i know just what he means.
i am facing and releasing wounds at a rate i didnt know was possible. the challenge is getting up in the face of apathy again and again when there is no one around to cheer you on (honey does her best, but you know. cats)
how have you dealt with that struggle?
so after banging on about being alone alone alone - its not all that bad. i have friends and family in nsw that i call/facetime often. i have had visitors and long walks down the beach with jed or gaia or my neighbour jaes. i overuse the shit out of instagram but i dont mind so much (i forgive my addiction) because i only follow uplifting accounts - people i admire and artists that inspire me. not to mention my support system there is incredible - i see people really responding to what i put out into the world and.. i try to make them laugh and smile as often as i can manage. i appreciate my fan base so much, it seems small but its strong and genuine and i have built a curious little home there in lieu of a more.. tangible one. social media is where i discovered flo creative and ended up in this collaboration. i cant say enough how beneficial and encouraging this experience has been - every contributor here has helped me more than they could know.
as for coping, i practice a little yoga every day, i meditate often and i allow myself to feel whatever im feeling no matter what. especially when it doesnt make sense (you know the thoughts - iamsoprivilegedandluckywhycantistopcryingorscreamingintopillows blah blah) whatever it is, i honour my emotions and i forgive myself always. its not easy but this great expanse of 'free' time has been an amazing opportunity to foster those practices.
i crave nature a lot, so i make an effort to put my hands in the grass and run in the morning (instead of the evening) and take honey out for walks in our apartment block garden. poor thing has mad cabin fever already - bless her little kitten soul, i'd be nothing without her.
i also launched my business and my artist store , started reading tarot and learning italian again, so its been a truly incredible year. i am thankful for the pain that helped me grow into it.
what have you found in your 5km?
honestly, i dont care whats in my 5km. its whats in my brain, no matter where i am that counts to me.
thanks for looking and supporting the arts. you are an angel for coming here